Anna City Limits

Fall TV Review Thus Far:

2007-10-12T22:44:00.000-04:00

after two weeks it comes down to this: The Wire Season 4 can't come out on DVD fast enough

obscure camera

2007-08-14T19:26:00.000-04:00

today I was wondering what happened to summer 2007 and then I remembered I had captured it in photo

I'm looking forward to this album "drop"

2007-08-13T20:09:00.000-04:00

my special lady has this song up as well - but I'm contractually obligated to post videos of all songs Pitchfork describe as: "Stonesy Rockers"

since I have a camera

2007-07-23T08:33:00.000-04:00

oh model airplane

I blog my opinions

2007-07-17T21:28:00.000-04:00

HBO has been desperate for a "buzz" show what with "The Sopranos", "Six Foot Under" and "Sex and the City" done with and they might have found it in a unlikely place:

Flight of the Conchords rules and here are some people talking about it:

1.) me
2.) girlfriend
3.) dad
4.) coworker
5.) random semi-annoying dude at school
6.) Entertainment Weekly

what more do you need (seriously though if you don't like this show I think you would have been someone I hated in high school)

movie

2007-07-12T18:29:00.000-04:00

I read this review of "Transformers" over the weekend: "The film in the depth of its story ultimately states that the automobile will cause the downfall of the quality of life in America." Wait that review was for the lost Orson Wells classic "The Magnificent Ambersons" but "Transformers" basically says the same shit.

a bad sign

2007-06-26T22:00:00.000-04:00

how can you tell "Transformers the Movie" is going to reek - well there are many reasons: Michael Bay, CGI, the fact that a summer blockbuster hasn't been good since "Die Hard II", the Bush administration can't be helping but the main reason is the fact that Shia Labeouf is I guess supposed to be "edgy!!" and how do you make him "edgy" - why put him in this T-shirt!! whoa!!

Paris

2007-06-09T09:30:00.001-04:00

you only do two days in prison the day you go in and the day you get out - just ask Avon

from here on out

2007-02-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

I'm in an exciting venture: I'm starting a sports blog and I'm pretty sure I'm getting paid to do it - therefore this site will be a lot like Perez Hilton except instead of focusing on Hollywood celebrities I'm going to focus on leading conservative legal thinkers of the 21st century

oh no he didn't!!

Sexy Scalia out and about!!

our only hope

2007-02-01T08:05:00.000-05:00

Chief Justice John Roberts is clearly the only public figure in America who can save us (this based on his interview in the current Atlantic Monthly) and yes I realize his views on abortion might be slightly different than mine!!!!

Friday

2007-01-31T08:11:00.000-05:00

I'm going to see Judge Richard Posner speak - at one point he was the "myspace" person I most wanted to meet - thus I become the first person ever in myspace history to meet the person I most wanted to meet

I bequeath this to you 2007:

2007-01-01T13:17:00.000-05:00

the Office drinking game:

every time Jim makes the "Jim face" at the camera you must take a shot; this game will prove wildly successful as Jim makes the exasperated "Jim face" at least 45 times an episode

Note the following examples will count for Jim Face the game

most obnoxious saying of 2006:

2006-12-23T13:22:00.000-05:00

"I like sports where the winners are decided on the field."

This phrase uttered by numerous sport media types and allegedly "hip" blogs was in reference to the lack of a playoff system for college football.

Note this phrase breaks the unprecedented 3 year reign of the previous most obnoxious saying: "We've brought freedom to the people of the middle east." which was in reference to the Iraqi war turned civil war turned living diorama of hell.

Both phrases can only be uttered correctly when said with a chin jutting sneer of certainty followed by a moment of silence as the person who said either of the above phrases thinks everyone around them is slowly being washed over in a tide of massive profundity

of course both phrases are totally wrong as we really didn't bring that much freedom to Iraq (for proof of this see any major newspaper from any day this year) -although bless little little man Bill O'Reilly for still thinking we did - as he points out in his random smattering of half formed thoughts known as his newspaper "column" - some parts of some provinces are doing kinda ok in southern Iraq - touche Bill touche - you have bested me again with your verbal rapier
and of course college football does determine its champion on fields - where the fuck do people think these games are played the space base in Moonraker? - the Texas/USC and Ohio St./Michigan games (the best two games of the year in any sport) were in fact decided on fields, trust me I watched them both (please see below for the difference between the Moonraker base and college football stadiums)

a note to Comcast

2006-12-22T18:26:00.000-05:00

unlike some others I have no problem with you right now - but can you please do me a favor and in your TV guide stop referring to ESPN's "Sportcenter" as a "hip-Emmy winning production" - most of us recall that brief moment 11 years ago when Sportscenter was hip but 11 years ago for a brief moment Hootie and the Blowfish were hip as well - in fact these two phenomena combined for one of the greatest assaults on humanity since the failed Armenian genocide of the early 20th century (a video which oddly is not on youtube)

let me merely clarify: any show that runs something called the "Budweiser Ultimate Highlight" which appears to be no more than a really bad 10 minute Big & Rich song played over some low angle camera shots of special teams play is not hip

reeking of history

2006-12-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

yesterday was Donald Rumsfeld's last day as Secretary of Defense; he had a going away party of the type usually reserved for teams that win the Rose Bowl -

Vice President Cheney called him "the greatest Secretary of Defense this country has ever had"; so true Dick so true:

non-Roger Angell entry

2006-12-02T21:53:00.000-05:00

I couldn't decide whether to wax poetic on how much I love college football or instead defend college football's B.C.S. system but ultimately I think my Roger Angell impersonation would anger Ted very much so I'm just going to rotate a list of things that are great about college football with a list of why people who want a college football playoff are moronic - not Iraq war moronic - but still pretty moronic

1. It make me happy that in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on a small island where Alice once hurt her back due to the nefarious working of a magic tiki thing a team plays games at midnight central time each week and runs an offense that averages 50 points per game

2. The two idiot color guys on ESPN and CBS think there should be a playoff system - if these guys told me to shop at Target I would shop at Menard's - and save more!!

3. In the NFL every team copies each other (witness how they all play the cover 2 defense now and run the west coast offense) and so all teams look alike - in college football there are a wide variety of styles from Hawaii's Run and Shoot - to Navy's Triple-Option to the Arkansas - "Let's hike the ball to the running back and have him throw 15% of the time" to wide open passing attacks.

4. The vaunted playoffs of baseball, the NFL and college basketball just gave us an 83 win team, a last-seeded AFC team, and a team that lost to the N.I.T. champion (twice!!) as champions so don't tell me playoffs determine who the best team in a sport is - TALK TO THE HAND BECAUSE THE FACE DON'T UNDERSTAND

5. don't you hate when your favorite team losses - like for instance they're 5 outs from making the world series for the first time since we dropped the bomb on Japan and some dude might have grabbed a ball and Moises Alou pees his pants, or your team make the World Series for the first time ever and then gets their collective asses kicked by the White Sox and 400 year old Jeff Bagwell pees his pants, of Brett Farve throws 50 interceptions in the red zone and the Packers fall to 6-10 and the state of Wisconsin pees it's pants - well college football has found a way around this - more on point 6

6. witness Wake Forest - the demon Deacons are bad at football - real bad - they last won their conference in 1970 (35 years after the Cubs last won the pennant but still) but this year they have had an amazing season - a season Wake Forest fans will speak of only in Nordic Verse - like Beowulf - they'll gather around a fire after a day of fishing for cod and hunting elk and speak of the year they went 10-2, won the ACC, and went to the Orange Bowl - the Orange Bowl!! that's where good teams go - teams that have a student body larger than 56 - will Wake Forest win the national title? no - would Wake Forest most likely lose to Ohio State by three touchdowns - yes - but does Wake Forest have a chance to end their season with an amazing win and not look back on this season and feel a sense of searing painful regret - yes and College Football is the only sport that provides that

7. have I mentioned Jay Mariotti thinks there should be a playoff and there isn't a soapbox strudy enough for Joe Buck to stand on when it comes to this subject

holy fucking shit holy fucking shit

2006-11-30T08:06:00.000-05:00

my favorite thing about our President not calling the Iraq "situation" a civil war is that he wishes this was a civil war - they won't be selling ceramic figurines about the Western Anbar Province 130 years from now

but maybe the President is right Iraq really isn't in a "civil war" phase it's more of a "I no longer fear hell for I have been to Itchy and Scratchy land (or Baghdad)" phase

Iraq is bad and all but I need to support the troops right now - BY GOING TO WAL-WART and buying more for less!!!

going going gone

2006-11-27T15:34:00.000-05:00

I saw a guy who looked like Timothy Busfield at Whole Foods yesterday

Then I realized every third guy looked like Timothy Busfield

The Timothy Busfield look is big at Whole Foods

you choose

2006-11-26T17:20:00.000-05:00

For the past week I've been telling all who will listen (a select few) that I cannot stand the sports media's obsession with complaining about the Bowl System in college football and their incessant whining for a playoff system - which would of course ruin college football the only American sport that still has a meaningful regular season

and then today who piled on the argument opposite mine? the king of sport hackery himself Jay Mariotti - if this alone wasn't enough to eternally prove I'm right - there was also this pearl of wisdom in Mariotti's "case" for a playoff - his playoff system would have U.S.C. replay Notre Dame next weekend - even though Notre Dame just played U.S.C. this weekend and the game was a de facto playoff since it eliminated Notre Dame and allowed U.S.C. to remain in the title hunt - this apparently is not good enough for our sports media culture - no there must be another Notre Dame - U.S.C. game next week according to Mariotti and only that one would count really count
after all if we add a six-tiered playoff system to college football think about all the new witty retorts that could be screamed back and forth on ESPN's "Around the Horn" why who loses in that development besides 150 years of glorious tradition and anyone with an I.Q. higher than 68

Tribute

2006-11-17T21:24:00.000-05:00

I remember being profoundly impacted by a Milton Friedman video I saw in 10th grade social studies class - it started my brief 6 year infatuation with conservative thought - girls wouldn't talk to me back then - but who's laughing now - I have a blog and they're all house frau's - and while I'm only a slight expert on complex economic theories I'm pretty sure Milton Friedman hated fucking house frau's - R.I.P.

scenes of triumph or how I learned to love America again

2006-11-08T22:35:00.000-05:00

VICTORY

2006-11-08T07:35:00.000-05:00

statement

2006-11-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

if you're a college student you live in Montana and you campaigned for troglodyte Republican Senator Conrad Burns (who also happens to be fantastically corrupt) then you're a fucking idiot - I mean I realize you hate abortion and all but come on

nugget of wisdom

2006-11-04T08:46:00.000-05:00

some people in my family consider the university of oregon football helmets "striking" -judge for yourself and vote in our online poll:

Online Poll

Conversations with my family

2006-10-13T19:52:00.000-04:00

Me: It's been 20 years since the Mets won the World Series

Mom: Wow that's a long time . . .

Me: That means someone could have been born, grown up and been killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq all after Bill Buckner made that error

Mom: Laughs

Last Night the Hold Steady saved my life

2006-10-02T19:46:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday night I was riding on a northbound train of the type Rod Stewart likes to sing about - when I was confronted with a depressing spectacle; a bunch
of hyper-active exceedingly youthful 19 year olds on their way to some type of
party/orgy/drug-a-poolza, the fact that people who were born after the 1986
World Series are now old enough to engage in such activities is something that
causes me to stare out at a vast cityscape/countryside and shake my head in
knowing wonderment

As it usually happens though the very next morning I was saved from any maudlin
tendencies as I finally, two years after they broke, stumbled onto the glorious
music of the Hold Steady; the Hold Steady is basically a rock band for people
who read the New York Times (which is a good thing), a band that combines that instrumentation of the E Street band with the lyrics of a young, pre-Teen Vogue Rhett Miller, a band in which every member is not only unattractive but also, and this is key, way older than me - and most important of all the Hold Steady is a band that musically during any three minute song creates a flaming green light saber in your head that allows you to slash and destroy any problems in your life from work to school to people who don't understand you (because the fucking Hold Steady they
understand you) to loud oblivious 19 years olds on a train - against the Hold
Steady and you those kids don't have a prayer.

a lack of updates?

2006-09-09T22:30:00.000-04:00

uh . . .remember when Belarus held those phony elections last March and their totalitarian "President" was re-elected? (of course you do - who doesn't)and then the good people of Belarus had some type of uprising because apparently some of them wanted to vote for real or something - I'm figuring since we haven't heard from the 'Rus since then that whole uprising didn't go to well? I bet a lot of those "freedom" loving eastern european hippies are in jail now, kind of a drag. You would think the national media would have said something about this? oh wait I forgot they were otherwise occupied

unsolved mysteries update!!

2006-09-06T08:33:00.000-04:00

I've stayed on the bride regarding U.S.A. basketball - they were in actuality the best team in the tournament and if Greece didn't channel their inner Milan High for a 15 minute stretch (during which they scored 44 points - they only scored 47 in the entire championship game against Spain)then the U.S. would be feasting on the finest Japanese hookers FIBA world championship gold medals can buy

In 2008 when the U.S. has a dominant big man in Greg Oden, an outside shooter in Redd or Redick and the all around lethal evilness of Kobe we're talking about non-swimming Olympic gold baby

oh lord oh dear lord

2006-09-01T18:32:00.000-04:00

team U.S.A. lost in basketball today to Greece which has a fully stocked roster of zero NBA players; a quick breakdown of the story reveals that the U.S. lost because they couldn't shoot free throws (oh God) and they couldn't defend the . . .wait for it wait for it . . . the pick and roll!! (I just threw up in my mouth)

You know the pick and roll which they teach to teach third graders, and which was a staple of every middle school game that was played from the years (1901-until the year SportsCenter became popular and started showing dunk only highlights) - that pick and roll; Greece finding out the U.S. was susceptible to the P&R is the equivalent of finding one of those hidden coin rooms in Super Mario 3 - it soon turns into a guilt ridden orgy but you have to keep going back to it even if it offends your sense of decency

so in preparation of the Olympic Qualifying tournament that team U.S.A. will now have to slog through next year I have included this handy foreign website explaining the play

these guys don't look like they've ever seen the Budweiser Ultimate Highlight on SportsCenter but yet somehow the understand the basic tenets of basketball?? How!!

I'm just guessing here but I bet the And1 MixTape Tour doesn't put a lot of emphasis on fundamentals of basketball which help you avoid repeated humiliation in international competitions but that's just me

Note the famous "American-Style" defense played by the man in orange just above the free-throw line

attention all readers: new 80's baseball player linked!!

2006-08-08T20:28:00.000-04:00

I am dying to write a post about the Ned Lamont - Joe Lieberman democratic primary in Connecticut but since people only stopped voting 24 minutes ago I guess it would be premature to declare a winner (unless you're Fox News and your relative is running)

meaning it's time for America's 3rd most favorite parlor game - Guess the Canadian Provincial/Territorial Flag . . .start guessing . . .wait for it . . . .NOW:

ahhh .....

2006-08-06T19:18:00.000-04:00

when one drives south on I-57 towards bucolic southern Illinois one is assaulted by burma-shave-esque road signs for a webpage called gunssaveslives.com or some crap (no link provided)the signs feature some almost lucid ditty about guns and you know how they save lives

yet one state over in Indiana there has been a string of sniper attacks on the highways - I'm pretty sure the victims/American motorists in those attacks would be of the opinion that guns actually take lives and really don't do much in the save department - but that's just their opinion of course

the President wants you to die

2006-07-18T18:42:00.000-04:00

our President is going to use his first ever veto (he's only been in office 6 long, long years) on a bill that would have allowed embryos that were to be destroyed to instead help people live and walk. another master stroke from W.

even though 70% of the country approves of the bill and troglodytes such as Bill Frist, Orrin Hatch and Trent Lott support the bill (for the love of everything pure all the Senators from Mississippi and Utah, two states not exactly known for their well developed views on science - voted for the bill) W. is going to make sure that tons and tons of Americans have no hope at all and generally make life miserable for the entire nation - well at least he's an expert on foreign policy

and on it goes: dig the quote from white house eunuch (I mean press secretary)Tony Snow talking about W's view on the bill: "The simple answer is he thinks murder's wrong." Well I'm so glad the president is against the murder of something the size of this: "." But is perfectly content to allow many normal sized humans who don't live in petri-dishes in freezers to die painfully sad deaths.

now I'm going to go violently bash my head against a wall and thanks to the impending veto of this stem-cell bill there won't be any cure for that either

oh that's right I do love America

2006-07-16T16:19:00.000-04:00

it's been hard for me to root for the United States lately - what with that little war in Iraq, and the fact that United States sports team seem to be completely unlikable. For instance U.S.A. basketball has for years represented everything aesthetically wrong with the game; and rooting for the States in soccer seems totally besides the point. Cheering for the U.S. in soccer is like rooting for El Loco to rock you harder than ZZ Top.
And if I had enough interest to care I'm sure I would have rooted against the U.S. in the world baseball classic but like 98% of the rest of the country I ranked the "classic" somewhere below a non-major golf tournament in sporting importance. That importance ranking would look something like this:

1. Buick Invitational Classic
2. Professional Bass Fishing
3. NCAA Women's softball
4. World Baseball Classic
5. Dungeons & Dragons

To be fair the above rankings are a lie. I would much rather watch NCAA softball than bass fishing.

Of course the main reason to hate team U.S.A. is because since 1980 at whatever sport you are watching you will hear the constant chant of "U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.!!!" by fans of this country. No wonder the rest of the world thinks we're a little slow. If fans of Falkland Island sports - chanted "F.A.I., F.A.I., F.A.I." at every event they went to over the last 26 years wouldn't we have somewhat of a lower opinion of them?

Anyways what I'm trying to say is I'm actually excited and rooting for this new edition of team U.S.A. basketball. . .and nothing is going to stop me now. Expect a player-by-player preview over the next 15-29 months!!

a tribute to arcade games of the 1990's Part IFXIIJ#

2006-07-15T15:37:00.000-04:00

before the Republican led congress of 1994 demanded their removal from the American landscape, this land of ours was home to vast houses of wonderment called "arcades". Their Gingrich led destruction is sad because truly there is no better video game experience than running to the change machine to get five dollars (that's right five dollars that how I rolled in 1990) in change before the continue game clock counts all the way down on your machine. Plus you could meet people, the guys who hung out in arcades were also pretty good in shop class they carried themselves with that cool confidence so devoid in algebra

a great arcade game from the era: Final Fight. Which I guess was just a double dragon rip-off - but one taken to the next level that allowed you to play as a giant guy who could bash crap - and jump kick

Episode VII

2006-07-11T22:11:00.000-04:00

Dateline : America 1992

Bill Clinton is about to prove that moderate sensible democratic governance is perhaps, just perhaps better than draconian brutal unyielding conservative governance

the youth of the world are saying: "Hey the Beatles - you fucking suck. Long live the Spin Doctors."

Kurt Loder and Tabitha Soren make sensible unyielding brutal love after a MTV News segment on the upcoming Cd-Rom revolution

and most importantly the American people are swept up in an urgent debate that to this day has no answer: who should have made the 1992 American League All-Star team Cecil Fielder or Carlos Baerga; oh yes Peter Gammons had his opinions (Fielder)but the fact that America could never come to an agreement foretold the 13 years that were to come from the destructive policies of George W. Bush to the horrific Mussolini-esque rise of Zack and Cody to the sad steady decline in health of King Hippo

Carlos and Cecil a nation cries for you!!

a story to be told

2006-07-08T16:20:00.000-04:00

speaking of grappling hooks does anybody dream about the NES game "Bionic Commando" in which you play as a guy who has a grappling hook? This game was way to difficult for me but my friend Dan was pretty good at it; this I what I suggest you do in your lesiure time:

1.) play "Bionic Commando" with Dan in 1989
2.) wait 4 years
3.) play "Super Star Wars" with Dan on the Super NES
4.) wait until Dan is playing and as Luke he misses a jump and starts falling to his death
5.) yell "use the grappling hook"
6.) watch as Dan desperately hits all the buttons on the controller
7.) laugh to yourself as you realize that the only game to feature a grappling hook was 1989's "Bionic Commando"
8.) listen to the Gin Blossoms

if only they made wacky youtubes about company towns

2006-07-08T16:07:00.000-04:00

I'm obsessed with the town of Scotia, California. It is one of the last company towns in America. The entire place is owned by the Pacific Lumber Company and you can only live there if you work for said company and better yet they have a baseball field. In fact the entire place sounds so pure it makes me want to slit the throats of the impure who would dare to trod upon its virgin grounds. I wish I could stand sentinel over the entire city and use a grappling hook to swing down and slit some throats when I deemed it necessary. Scotia a beautiful place.

Larry King Style

2006-07-05T21:57:00.000-04:00

I always forget that "Deadwood" is the best show on television and then every week I am reminded anew. Good thing it got canceled. (This was the first ever blog entry that I have composed that did not contain a spelling error.)

Yahoo's covered bridge image selection leaves something to be desired

2006-06-28T23:42:00.000-04:00

I leave you with this pastoral picture because if anything basketball is a return to 1820's America a more serene, rural time of simple pleasures - like replacing a wheel on your horse drawn carriage; that was simple and pleasurable unless a slave did it for you that's wrong!!

all other picks

2006-06-28T23:34:00.000-04:00

watching the whole NBA draft was a lot easier when I didn't have a job or a girlfriend - man I certainly didn't have a girlfriend in 1999 - unless Darth Maul action figures count

Pick 49

2006-06-28T23:22:00.000-04:00

some dude was taken by some wretched team

I was actually rewatching the J.J. Redick pick on my DVR while this was taking place

Currently picks are going on while ESPN is running commercials - you know your NBA career is fucked when you're drafted while a Zima ad is showing

Edgewater Football Rules AKA pick 34

2006-06-28T22:52:00.000-04:00

Clippers take Paul Davis thus answering the question - how many tall white guys from Michigan can one NBA team have one their roster at once? Apparently 2

Dick Vitale just finished his annual rant about how stupid some players were in declaring for the NBA (Edgewater grad Darius Washington this means you) - and of course Vitale is 100% right about this but you want to know real pain how about saying to yourself: "I'm going to write how they took JFK's body to my hometown for his autopsy on the Bethesda Wikipedia page." But you keep saying: "I'll do it a little bit later, I'll do it a little bit later." And then one day someone has beaten you too the punch.

Pick 33

2006-06-28T22:46:00.000-04:00

when players getting drafted are being compared to Matt Bullard then it's time for me to brush my teeth or projectile vomit one or the other really

Pick 30

2006-06-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

oh sweet lord the first round is over and people are still hating on Portland - lots of good players have been drafted in the second round and so have tons and tons of crappy players -

I'm going to do a google search under "Second Round NBA players" and see what turns up - I bet it's total shit:

RESULTS

Pick 28

2006-06-28T22:23:00.000-04:00

the biggest panic to hit this blog since the great dad cable outage call of 7:36 p.m. occurs as my girlfriend calls wanting to know which Queen of England died having sex with a horse and my dog freaks out because it starts raining

the Knicks pick next I just placed a call to Isaiah Thomas letting him know that my high school friend CoCo Brown is currently available - CoCo once made like 5 threes in a row - and would much rather play with the Knicks than continue his current job as day manager of the Chicken Out on Rockville Pike in Rockville Maryland -

COCO now is your time

Pick 26

2006-06-28T22:10:00.000-04:00

the Lakers take local player Jordan Farmar - being an NBA player in Los Angeles can be difficult a lot of dangerous tempetations will float your way but I can unequvically tell Farmar one temptation he should pass on - eating half a bag of Honey Dijon potato chips followed by half a jug of Ben & Jerry's Karmel Sutra ice cream - resist Jordan resist the siren call!!

Pick 24.5

2006-06-28T22:04:00.000-04:00

ESPN superdude Jay Bilas needs to stop talking about the "fight" players have - he's starting to freak me out and I'm cutting him a lot of slack because at Duke Basketball summer camp 15 years ago he gave a speech that so inspiried me that I didn't place a collect call to my mom in tears begging that she come pick me up - at least for an hour or so - then I totally made that call

Picks 22-23

2006-06-28T21:56:00.000-04:00

the soon to be Brooklyn Nets took two UConn players with their back to back picks, one was Marcus Williams who plummeted to number 20 (a plummet made all the more awkward by his being in the green room) but the free fall of Marcus does show that stealing a shitload laptops from fellow coeds does have some minor consequences like instead of playing for Sacramento you play for New Jersey

on the other hand someone can steal my laptop anytime they want because I have renters insurance from USAA!! Yeah so who's the real winner here?

the other guy the Nets took from UConn has dreads

time

2006-06-28T21:48:00.000-04:00

ESPN went to commercial so I'm going to check my myspace profile - I'll let you know how many friend requests I got today in a minute.......

0

Pick 20

2006-06-28T21:42:00.000-04:00

watching all the draft up to now was so worth it to see the ESPN guys and local Knick fans totally lose it when the horrid, horrid Knicks take some totally random guy (Renaldo Balkman) with the 20th pick; it's moments like that that make the NBA draft the warm special place it is; only a special type of Knick fans shows up on a weeknight to watch the NBA draft in person and it's not the Upper West Side type

Preview

2006-06-28T21:34:00.000-04:00

ESPN just showed one commerical during their last break - it was for a movie starring Luke Wilson, Uma Thurman and the nerdy guy from the American version of "The Office" and "Six Feet Under" - it was about dating a super-hero and it lasted 9 minutes - it hurt my brain

Pick 18

2006-06-28T21:26:00.000-04:00

the Boulez take a guy from the Ukraine - where this guy stands on the October Revolution of 2004 isn't revealed by the ESPN talent

also a Yahoo image search reveals a lot of hits featuring "Ukraine women" react as you will

Pick 11

2006-06-28T21:07:00.000-04:00

my draft blog was screwed up because my father called me in a panic because his hotel cable went out right before his hometown Orlando Magic were about to pick - it has long been rumored they might take J.J. Redick here or they might pass on him and be dead to me forever - amazingly they did take Redick thus increasing by 450% the chances of me buying an Orlando Magic hat online sometime this summer -

DIARY BLOG POST: I used to live in Orlando, I lived in my own house, that's right a lower middle class person can afford a house in America, and it had a yard, a washer/dryer, no neighbors living above or below me playing craptastic music, was within walking distance to a Starbucks and the grocery store where a scene from the movie Parenthood was filmed which is better than the grocery store I live near now - known as the Jewel-Osco where a violent snuff film was made featuring the produce delivery guy

Anyway this pick makes me feel whole again

Pick Five

2006-06-28T20:38:00.000-04:00

The Hawks take Shelden Williams from Duke. Can't say anything bad about this and neither does my man Steven A.!! Can I buy tickets his show right now and can I attract women wearing a Shelden jersey

Pick Four

2006-06-28T20:27:00.000-04:00

Portland take Tyrus Thomas who will be traded to Chicago according to the Perm - I was going to only be positive on this pick but I've been thinking all day that I really like college basketball and I had never heard about Thomas until he single handily destroyed Duke and ripped out my heart in the NCAA tournament - but if you take away that heart-ripping epsidoe does he go number 4? I doubt it.

I feel better about all my hating because Steven A. Smith is currently hating on Portland cuz.

When is Stuart Scott going to go away - it's been a decade please Stuart leave us - leave us!!

Pick Three

2006-06-28T20:21:00.000-04:00

the legendary Charlotte Bobcats take Adam Morrison - the Bobcats continue their trend of taking players who will sell tickets rather than the best pick - last year they took 2/5ths of North Carolina's championship winning team and this year they take the white guy with long hair - next year they plan of selecting the cast of TV's Dawson's Creek circa 1997 and a time machine

P.S. I like Morrison but blogs are better when they make fun of people

Pick Two

2006-06-28T20:17:00.000-04:00

the Bulls take LaMarcus Aldridge who according to Andy Katz they will trade to Portland for the number four pick - I trust Katz on this - I always trust men with perms

Pick One

2006-06-28T20:05:00.000-04:00

Thankfully the NBA only gives teams 5 minutes between picks unlike the NFL which gives teams tons of time, I'm not sure how long but it's certainly longer than an episode of Real World/Road Rules Fresh Meat minus the commercials.

The Raptors take Italian Andrea Bargnani. Why? Because no one has ever seen him play for more than 5 minutes so his downside can't be over analyzed. Oh wait he did average 10 points in the Italian league last year. Great pick then great pick. But I won't be a cynic - why because "cynic" is just another word for "hater" that's why.

NBA Draft Sex Cruise

2006-06-28T20:01:00.000-04:00

Even though I wrote about how worthless the NBA draft was in this blog two years ago (be the first person ever to click on the "Archives" link now!!) I am going to write a single entry about every pick until Duke legend J.J. Redick is selected - this could be awhile because there are a lot of "haters" out there and also because Redick recently was arrested for DUI and apparently has a back injury

Each Pick will merit its own entry because looking at one really long blog that I wrote will basically make me want to slit my wrists - also I will be posting a picture of a scenic covered bridge every fifth pick

Tom Cole is a Twat

2006-06-16T19:32:00.000-04:00

Republicans in our U.S. Congress started a totally unnecessary debate yesterday on the war in Iraq which lasted 10 hours and did nothing to help anybody; I found the following quote by Oklahoma Rep. Tom Cole to be especially Jeffersonian:

Here is Cole "dissing" the Democrats:

"Their real challenge is they have no common, unified position on their side of the aisle, whether we are right or wrong, we on our side of the aisle do have a unified position."

I'm going to break that down:

So although the Republicans launched a war on false pretenses, a war that has sullied the image of America at home and abroad beyond all recognition, the has made this country less safe, that has derailed our war on terrorism, that has ruined decade old international alliances and that has of course caused the deaths of untold thousands - they at least are on agreement on what to do!!
And what mighty agreement have the Republicans reached that unifies them so boldly in this time of strife: well they agree to you know keep hanging around in Iraq for who knows how long while we ban gay marriage and repeal the estate tax back home!! Sounds great - can I vote now!!

oh Hi I just love it so much

2006-06-13T21:27:00.000-04:00

I love Paducah, Kentucky so much - it's my favorite city that I've never been to - well Paducah and Prague; and not only does the city of Paducah have an amazing website but they unlike other rapidly dying small towns have come up with a way to fight the forces of evil - I present to you the Paducah "Artist Relocation Program" - if you're an artist and you move to Paducah and live in one of their old Victorian buildings you basically don't have to pay for anything ever again for the rest of your life - in unrelated news my girlfriend and I moved to Paducah yesterday

HISTORICAL PADUCAH NOTE: apparently General Grant (a noted Civil War man about town) was kinda a little bit of an anti-Semite; Grant issued orders restricting the movements of Jews during the civil war - and the people who put a stop to this madness - Paducah area merchants!!And oh yeah Lincoln

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES UPDATE: I found the Paducah Artist Link - enjoy zero blog readers enjoy

fun with Republicans

2006-06-06T20:54:00.000-04:00

you know how people go "hahahahahahaha" to communicate how something is funny when they are emailing or text messaging each other? what's the weeping/crying equivalent of that?

just this week the political party that controls every instrument of power in this country (except that damn liberal media, currently getting itself blown up in Iraq)gave us these Jeffersonian treasures:

1. The Gay Marriage Amendment - it's an election year you know what time it is - time for the G.O.P. to roll out this monstrosity!! Even though it has no chance of passing, because thankfully just enough Senators don't feel comfortable turning our nation's most scared document into a hate screed, the Bush crowd rolls it out to appeal to the hillbilly voting base. Is this going to happen every two years? Because really I’m telling you I’ll be tired of it by 2014 at the latest – I mean it Karl

2. The Estate tax gets repealed - sounds like a great idea it's not like we're at war or anything!! The right has nicknamed this tax the "Death Tax" the left has recently started fighting back by calling it the "Paris Hilton Tax", I prefer the "If this get repealed your life gets more fucked and the terrorists win tax" but that's just me.

3. This latest magnum opus from Ann Coulter (no link provided). I am going to fight saying anything personal about Coulter (most of my comments having to do with her love of large black Muslim cock) and instead merely point out that if you believe Coulter means what she says and isn't putting on an act then you must also think that Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper actually really did hate each other in the 80’s.

rock the vote this November or buy a PlayStation 3 and let your country rot in hell - whatever

2006-05-30T21:04:00.000-04:00

I had a long day at work but on the way home I read a quote from my old adversary Congress Ric Keller (R-Florida). Ric made the front of that liberal rag the New York Times in an article about the prospects of Nancy Pelosi (D-California) becoming Speaker of the House if the Democrats retake Congress this fall.

Ric was aghast by the idea and come up with this verbal dagger: "Are Americans ready for Nancy Pelosi's Contract with San Francisco?"

Thankfully in America you can reply to your Congress people without fear of mutilation. Here is the email I sent to Congressman Keller:

Dear Mr. Keller,

I am a former constituent of yours, today I ready your witty bon mot about Nancy Pelosi in the New York Times. I just want to let you know that I am an American, and I will gladly take any contract Nancy Pelosi has to offer over a continuation of the ongoing train wreck otherwise known as the last six years of governance in this country.
In the interest of fairness though I would like to present you some "Contracts" for the Republican Party to present to the American Voters this election cycle that would counter Pelosi's: "Contract with San Francisco":

A. The Contract with Baghdad's War Torn Green Zone
B. The Contract with the 9th Ward of New Orleans
C. The Contract with Trent Lott's rebuilt front porch

Please let me know if you wish to use any of these - I offer you them free of charge!! (No Duke Cunningham stuff here)

Yours,

Benjamin Lyon

non-existent film festival

2006-05-29T16:44:00.000-04:00

you are invited to the following celebration of the medium of film that would take place at my house if I had the energy or a house:

STALKER FILM FESTIVAL

Genesis Stalker Movies:

7:00 A.M.: Fatal Attraction
9:30 A.M.: Single White Female
11:30 A.M.: Group reading of horoscopes in Newspaper

Psycho Teen Stalker Movies:

11:40 A.M.: The Crush
1:10 P.M.: Posion Ivy

2:50 P.M.: Cocaine Fueled Orgy

Social Realism Stalker Movies:

2:57 P.M.: Unlawful Entry
4:30 P.M.: The Hand that Rocks the Cradle

6:00 P.M.: Group flagellation to "wash away Satan's shame"
6:20 P.M.: Smores

let's run over Lionel Richie I mean Zack Braff with a truck

2006-05-25T22:07:00.000-04:00

as more and more time passes I become increasingly certain that the film "Garden State" was not a mere mediocrity but was in fact a total and utter piece of shit. The artistic quality of the movie is unique in that the first time you see it the film doesn't necessarily strike you as being so cloying and twee that you could get juvenile diabetes from repeated viewings. It's only much much later when you wake up screaming in the night over lines like: "The Shins will change your life." and "Good luck with the infinite abyss." that you realize "Garden State" is the rarest of cinema treasures: the horror-regenerator!! It actually gets worse as time goes on even though artistically it hasn't changed at all.
And of course like any cinema disaster the shrapnel spread far and wide. The Shins as a band are over. How you could ever listen to them again is beyond me. And I love power pop: Big Star, Marshall Crenshaw, Pet Sounds all great. The Shins? Just poor poor victims of the mind of Sir Braff.
Oh yeah Save the Clock Towers of New Jersey.

DIARY BLOG!!!

2006-05-25T08:27:00.000-04:00

I want to obtain these objects in Austin this weekend, I love buying shit:

Book

$500.00 painting

next step for Anna City Limits: EMO BLOG!!

reasons I hate sports: reasons 24656398654-24656398655

2006-05-21T11:16:00.000-04:00

yesterday a beloved horse injuires itself and may have to be put down - Barry Bonds on the other hand thrives

what year is this

2006-05-19T20:09:00.000-04:00

the only thing more surprising than the cast of Real World: Key West actually being pretty likeable is that fact that against all odds and reason the NBA playoffs are actually really entertaining - scratch that they're really fucking entertaining

here's who to root for in order of social significance:

1. Miami - Old Shaq is playing for something bigger than himself or his team, he's playing for us, when the train home from work paused for an indeterminate amount of length between Fullerton and Belmont today I looked around at all the semi-broken people and realized that Shaq in his mortal struggles this playoff season was seeking redemption for all of us - even the guy playing Sudoku on his PSP.

2. Cleveland - LeBron is too good for his age - he's freaking me the hell out, not in a bad way but it's a freak out nonetheless. Like if water started talking to you - that's the level of freak out we are dealing with here. It's amazing and vaguely uncomfortable at the same time.

3. L.A. Clippers - remember when you didn't go to Prom? Of course you do. Following the Clippers this playoff season is like getting to go to Prom and being allowed to hang out with the kids who thankfully couldn't explain the origin of Spider-Man to save their lives.

Tonight there are no Red States and Blue States - tonight we are a band of brothers dedicated to the cause of crushing a "celebrity"

2006-05-18T22:12:00.000-04:00

Paris Hilton enters her Baroque period

America I would not as rule condone violence but if a nation were to come together as one to eliminate a blight on its national landscape wouldn't this in its own way be less violent than letting her linger here on earth?

I implore you America!!

civics lesson/I need opiates

2006-05-13T23:26:00.000-04:00

Communism failed because even though you never had to pay for parking and everybody got a house the government invaded your personal rights

I for one am thankful to live in a land of increasing economic uncertainty but that is free from "big brother" style government intervention into my life - unlike what those commies used to do to poor Ukrainian farmers . . .

wait . . .what?

I spill the blood of innocents on your 3 guitar altar

2006-05-13T10:59:00.000-04:00

Countdown to Drive-By Truckers Concert: 6 days

Daily Countdown Sentiment: The Drive-By Truckers are the mythology of my life

springtime is the best time

2006-05-11T19:27:00.000-04:00

this was the song that was playing when I first found out Lance Thomas was coming to Duke (oh yeah this means Duke is going to be good again next year - burn Duke haters burn in only that middle management way that you can)

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That I'd known I'd never find

And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

World Cup Preview IV: Citizens on Patrol

2006-05-09T21:21:00.000-04:00

Team: Tunisia

Useless Tidbits:

1. Recent survey by the National Geographic society shows that most American children cannot find Louisiana on a map of the United States or Iraq on a middle eastern map. That said there's no way those kids are ever pinpointing Tunisia on any type of map.

2. Good news: Tunisia is in group H which is generally considered the worst of all World Cup groups. But of course one reason that group H is thought to be so crappy is because you know Tunisia is in it.

3. I don't know what the most revered and mythological soccer record is in Tunisia and I don't know who holds it. But I'm pretty sure whoever holds said record didn't reach that elevated plateau by purchasing drugs for narcoleptic-menstruating lupus patients from BALCO and then proceeded to stick them in their ass.

4. Tunisia is the only African country to make it to back to back World Cups and could easily advance to the W.C. knock-out stage. Plus they beat arch-rival Morocco to reach the big dance. Rest assured American children could never locate fucking Morocco either.

World Cup Preview III: Back in Training

2006-05-07T11:06:00.000-04:00

Team: Iran

Newsworthy Items (most items stolen from BBC soccer page and the book "How Soccer Explains the World"):

1. Iran's 2-1 defeat of the United States in 1998 killed soccer forever in this country. I admit that I am not completely tapped into the cultural zeitgeist of this nation but I know as a certainty that our people will never love a sport in which we regularly get our asses kicked by Iran.

2. The mullahs that run that superfine Iranian government actually hate soccer and have attempted to ban it on several occasions but the Iranian citizenry will not stand for it. 110,000 people showed up to watch Iran beat Japan in March 2005. Have I mentioned we're thinking about bombing the living shit out of these people? Whoo-ah!

3. Iran plays their first World Cup game June 11 vs. Mexico in Nuremberg. Home of the Nazi trials, you know about the holocaust which the Iranian President doesn't think happened. Can you defeat a strong Mexican team and declare that the genocide of 6 million people didn't happen in the city where those who perpetrated said genocide were tried in front of the world? Tune into ESPN2 and find out!!

4. The Iranian football team has their own website. View the website poignantly as you contemplate Pentagon plans to try really had to kill as few Iranian people as possible by dropping taxpayer subsidized bombs on them. Go Planet Earth!!

our congressmen should ride in chariots

2006-05-06T12:17:00.000-04:00

please Rep. Kennedy if you're going to drive a 1990's era Ford at the very least take down the played out bumper stickers. Kerry in 2004? Gephardt? I half expected to see a Darwin fish eating a truth fish back there

World Cup Preview 27853743896523984752845287

2006-05-01T21:12:00.000-04:00

Tonight 7th Heaven ends but the previews continue unabated:

Team: Australia

Facts:

A. Soccer is even more unpopular in Australia than it is in America. Rest assured nobody is blogging about the World Cup down under. Although this might have to do with the fact that what an Australian considers a "computer" is usually just a cut-up refrigerator box with sock puppets.

B. Australia is in Group F. More popularly known as the "oh fuck Brazil is in our group" group.

C. Australia hasn't been to the W.C. since 1974. To be quite honest their opponents in qualifying matchups were a little on the crappy side. No offense to New Caledonia but you suck at soccer. On the bright side New Caledonia you're not tied down in a disastrous land war in the Middle East!! So that's good.

D. Favorite Oceanian Zone qualifying stat - if you add up the scores of all the matches played by the Cook Islands it reads thusly: 5 matches: Other teams 17 goals -Cook Islands 1 goal. Cook Island soccer hooligans were big time pissed off about that. But of course the New Caledonia corollary applies here as well.

E. No matter what happens in the World Cup, Australia can rest assured that is has unequivocally, undoubtedly passed the United States in any standard of living index imaginable.

damn blogger/ R.I.P. John

2006-05-01T21:08:00.000-04:00

fucking blogger isn't working - all my posts for the last week have been semi-obvious and brutally unfunny - damn you blogger!!

mission accomplished

2006-04-30T18:15:00.000-04:00

another year another non-invite to the White House Correspondents Dinner - I was tipped off today via carrier pigeon (or cellphone) that the media isn't covering the real story of the dinner which is that Stephen Colbert's act made the president feel sad. Listen Colbert: W. doesn't like to feel sad, haven't you figured that out already? Bad news must never reach the W. unless personally delivered from a higher power like God or Santa.

Link to performance here (this is almost like a real blog post)

no news yet on what "celebrity" guests Anna Kournikova, Drew Lachey and Ben Roethlisberger thought of the act (what no Muppets were invited?) - but I'm betting radical socialist Kournikova loved it; and raging commie Lachey apparently kicked the shit out of Missouri Rep. Roy Blunt

guess the Canadian Territorial Flag

2006-04-29T14:41:00.000-04:00

note: after 1,000 guesses I'm stopping the contest due to bandwidth issues

advice to America: take a valium . . .now

2006-04-29T12:27:00.000-04:00

A film named "Loose Change" about September 11 conspiracies (including a most certainly erroneous theory on the Pentagon not being destroyed by Flight 77 but by a U.S. launched missile) has been brought to my attention in numerous ways lately.

ESPN is showing 10 hours of NFL Draft coverage (including a perhaps unnecessary pre-draft show).

I remember being told years ago about two elementary school students who were on Flight 77. They had won a National Geographic contest and were flying from D.C. to California.

I remember realizing years ago that Charley Casserly was not a very good NFL general manager. See: Washington Redskins, decline of.

I don't think there was a 9/11 conspiracy. I think Donald Rumsfeld is incompetent and should be fired but I don't believe he plotted to brutally murder fellow citizens. I think conspiracy theories help us avoid the anxiety involving the randomness and banality associated with terrible events. Those two kids died that day. That was real it happened.

I think drafting Mario Williams over Reggie Bush might be a mistake but perhaps the nation (and by nation I mean sport bloggers and assorted media types) as a whole should relax a little bit in this instance about everything.

I remember you - you're called hope

2006-04-27T20:47:00.000-04:00

JOSH MCROBERTS STAYS! Thus giving me what every sport fan deserves - the foundation for irrational/unhealthy dreams about future glory.

I consider McRoberts at this stage of his career to be much like a young superhero in issues #1-15 of any comic book. Much like said superhero McRoberts has amazing powers (witness his 49 dunks last year, and his coast to coast behind the back pass against Wake Forest in the ACC semi's) also like our young superhero McRoberts has not yet harnessed these skills into a complete crime fighting package and is still learning about the awesome responsibility/ability he now possesses. Clearly by staying at Duke another year McRoberts now has the power to explode into an awesome supernova of brillance and make Peter Parker and Speedball look like the sad little boys they really are.

Note to my zero readers: Prepare for a very in-depth random preview on the upcoming Duke season sometime in the next 6 months. This team which is young, athletic and free from the burdens of expectations could quite possibly be better than the renaissance.

celebrating the death of small town America one town at a time

2006-04-25T20:20:00.000-04:00

an ongoing series chronicling the rapidly declining standard of living in the United States - presented by the Annenberg Foundation:

Doomed Town: Cairo, IL

Location: the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers

Population in 2002: - 3,632

Population in 2020: - can you have a negative population?

Reasons it's dying: gay marriage, abortion, hip-hop lyrics, hippies, the low low everyday prices of Wal-Mart, refusing to desegregate in the 1960's probably didn't help, being nowhere near the interstate, the steady onward unyielding procession of time

Times mentioned in the collected works of Bill Bryson: 1 (not favorably)

Fun Cairo facts: the Mississippi River is brown and the Ohio River is blue thus making for a hell of a confluence!!, General Grant did some shit here during the Civil War, the Customs House tourist attraction features a giant Tiffany clock (note none of these facts are found in the Wikipedia Cairo entry - burn Wikipedia burn)

Proposed slogan to attract newcomers: "Hey people living in Las Vegas don't you ever get depressed living there - like you know on Christmas Eve!! Move to Cairo and to cushion your blow we'll provide discount scratch-off lotto tickets."

Chances of survival: Is Mark Twain dead?

last night

2006-04-20T20:39:00.000-04:00

I dreamt of you

Number 205 with a bullet

2006-04-17T21:40:00.000-04:00

As the World Cup approaches let us celebrate the worst soccer team on the planet: American Samoa - really in my estimation the tiny island nation only needs to climb over 157-199 countries to reach respectability.

Did you know American Samoa is halfway between New Zeland and Hawaii (RIGHT WHERE THE PLANE FROM LOST CRASHED!!!), has great natural harbors, is about the size of Washington D.C., and really sucks hard at soccer.

these people really like basketball

2006-04-17T21:33:00.000-04:00

favorite line from a drive-by truckers review this week

2006-04-16T04:37:00.000-04:00

A fierce spirit shines through in these broken-down, melancholy songs — a spirit that can survive love being snatched away, lives ruined and a country on the ropes - washingtonpost.com

guess the Canadian Territorial Flag

2006-04-15T22:47:00.000-04:00

no multiple choice - winner gets a free McKinley Ford Aeromatic seat cushion

Trey Anastasio the blood is on your hands!!

2006-04-15T22:35:00.000-04:00

after reading Seymour Hersh's article in the current New Yorker(the one with the chicken on the cover) about ongoing war planning involving Iran - I thought to myself "Holy fucking shit - there are some crazy people in charge of this country. Good thing all those stinky hippies voted for Nader in 2000 - that really stuck it to the man!! If only Trey Anastasio had endorsed Gore in the 2000 campaign. Then we could have avoided the possible Iran war and the Iraq war. So aside for the many deaths the music of Phish has caused in the United States (38 at last count). The noodling 'jam' band is now directly responsible for the pain and suffering of thousands if not millions in the Middle East. Sell a bootlegged tape of that Trey!!"

This paragraph from Hersh's article sums it up well(the war planning, not the Phish bit): "One former defense official, who still deals with sensitive issues for the Bush Administration, told me that the military planning was premised on a belief that 'a sustained bombing campaign in Iran will humiliate the religious leadership and lead the public to rise up and overthrow the government.' He added, 'I was shocked when I heard it, and asked myself, "What are they smoking"' (Hersh pg. 30) Italics and bold mine.

I would though like this blog to go on record as stating that the current President of Iran is probably most likely kinda you know insane.

help me

2006-04-14T18:52:00.000-04:00

I have a complicated relationship with deadspin.com - it's a lot like Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan in "When a Man Love a Woman" - but sometimes our relationship can produce pure gold

wanna be a frau

2006-04-13T21:39:00.000-04:00

Special K, Sears, Payless shoes, what are they modeling next week - scratch-off lotto tickets?

thankfully we're not tied down in some other war right now or we would be totally screwed

2006-04-13T19:16:00.000-04:00

while admitting that diplomacy is the only answer and with total respect to the people of Iran - who knew the beginning of the end would be a ceremony with lower production values than your average high school spring drama production (and we're not talking South Pacific here either)

World Cup Preview #385920439086234

2006-04-10T21:40:00.000-04:00

people like to say that Americans from the 1930's are the greatest generation because they lived through the depression and then beat the Nazi's - but young folk the same age in the Ukraine lived through forced Stalinist Purges, the destruction of their bucolic countryside in the name of a crazy ethos, a noticeable lack of first-run theatres showing big-budget Hollywood musicals of the era, and the general deaths of tens of millions and . . . THEN BEAT THE NAZI'S!!

this is why I pick the Ukrainian team to at least make the single elimination round of this year's world cup -

other reasons:

1. They play in by far the worst group (my 4th grade soccer team could do well in this group - even without sliced up oranges)
2. Their starting goalkeeper has returned from injury (Note last link stolen from this blog)
3. they came out of a difficult qualifying section beating a 2002 third-place WC team in Turkey and 2004 Euro Champion Greece - obviously Greece and Turkey were distracted by their 10,000 year hatred (so eloquently depicted in the movie Troy), blog note: insert Kazakhstan joke here

highlight of the week

2006-04-09T15:24:00.000-04:00

the George Packer article "The Lesson of Tal Afar" in this week's New Yorker is the most insightful and lucid look at the Iraq war I have ever read. It deals with failures in the Rumsfeld doctrine for a new type of war, it predicts there will be a quiet drawdown of American troops this summer, and it shows how some U.S. military officers have succeed in Iraq by not listening to the Rumsfeld led Pentagon. Despite all this my favorite line in the whole 11 pages article (it took me three train rides to read - Addison to Washington Red Line) is this:

"In Southeast Asia, the domino theory turned out to be false, but Iraq in the hands of militias and terrorists, manipulated by neighboring states, would threaten the Middle East and the U.S. for many years. The truth is no one in Washington knows what to do."

crap

the man they call nails is at the plate

2006-04-08T20:32:00.000-04:00

this home run made up for the fact that my soccer team was trounced 47-0 this day; p.s. I watched this clip at least 100 times on a history of baseball VHS tape I had (the tape was better because it had the radio announcers)

Yeah

2006-04-08T20:21:00.000-04:00

no really he's awesome

2006-04-08T14:01:00.000-04:00

George Packer fan appreciation day - all fans under 21 get free George Packer thunderstix!!

George Packer you are my hero

2006-04-08T13:54:00.000-04:00

the President is giving question and answer speeches about Iraq this week; my question would be "What the hell are we going to do about this fucking mess, Mr President?" a woman in North Carolina though simply stated "My hero's have always been cowboys." My next blog entry will be on what my puke tasted like after I read about that woman.

I apologize to my zero readers

2006-04-04T20:03:00.000-04:00

the whole Brian Zoubek not going to Duke thing was an April Fool's prank!! Let the Zoubek era begin!! He's Duke's first 7-footer since the time of Tone-Loc.

What the hell does recover post mean?

2006-04-03T21:13:00.000-04:00

I just wrote a 1295 word Lester Bangs-esque tribute on Buck Owens and then lost it to posterity - and the wind.

Here is a synopsis in haiku form:

Buck Owens rad
Hee-Haw sux
A dragonfly lands on my canoe

I'm at an 11 right now

2006-04-03T20:43:00.000-04:00

I read today that Brian Zoubek is thinking about not going to Duke which is of course insane and caused me to have a minor freak-out. I think it might be time for me to scale it down a little bit. I should just let the laconic, pastoral, anti-military industrial complex rhythms of meaningless April baseball games take over. That and Lucero. To celebrate this post I'm showing a picture of a rural field. With Lucero standing in it.